Coronavirus is permeating every aspect of our lives, including intimate and sexual life, couple and family relationship. Most people in the world are in lockdown, experiencing major changes in their routine habits and behavior. Consequently, we may anticipate changes in couple relationships, intimacy and sexual activity.

Intimacy and sexuality have a beneficial effect on health and quality of life of every person, especially people who live with a chronic and progressive disease like Parkinson’s disease (PD). The combination of a stressful pandemic and a chronic challenging disease requires a sensitive consideration and efforts to support harmony within a couple.

As a sex therapist, and expert in sexual rehabilitation of people who cope with chronic diseases, I would like to share my experience by highlighting some issues concerning intimacy, sexuality and coronavirus. I will also offer practical suggestions to help you keep a satisfying intimate relationship. We all need the strength emerging from a supporting human connection.

In this three-part blog series, I am addressing topic 2 below on coping with changes in desire. If you missed Part I, follow the link below to read the post on intimacy.

Part I. How to maintain good couple intimacy in the age of Coronavirus? READ THIS HERE

Part 2. How do we cope with changes in desire and libido discrepancies in the time of Coronavirus?

Part 3. How do I manage my sexual and intimate life, when I’m single young person with Parkinson’s disease?

How do we cope with changes in desire and libido discrepancies in the time of Coronavirus?             

One of the most common sexual problems, differences in desire,  is recognized as the  number one source of chronic distress and sexual dissatisfaction in long-term couples. There is no right frequency for sexual activity that couples can adopt. While the person with higher level of desire may feel rejected or unappreciated and unloved, the other partner, with low level of desire, may feel hounded. The major victim of the desire differences is the loss of non-erotic affections: reduced hugging, less comforting cuddling, no kissing. Any initiation of affectionate activity may be misinterpreted as invitation to have sex and will be declined.

The coronavirus pandemic has produced an enormous stress which deteriorates even more the sexual life of people with chronic diseases like Parkinson’s disease (PD). Anxiety and depression may be increased, as well as motor and non-motor symptoms, characterizing the disease. This physical and emotional deterioration may negatively affect desire and sexual functioning of people with PD and their partners. However, antiparkinsonian therapy with dopaminergic agents may restore desire in patients, while at the same time their partners may experience reduced desire due to increased burden and anxiety associated with the coronavirus lockdown. Thus, the desire gap increases.

How do we cope with these desire discrepancies?

Most couples will have three options: to separate, to live in gloomy and unhappy relationship or to discuss, collaborate and negotiate to find an acceptable arrangement that they can live with. Some couples need a professional mediator to go through this negotiation, a process which demands a respect for both partners. Others can do it alone, just talk and decide on two different affectionate sessions:

(1) The Intimate Session - a time when you are intimately close to your partner. You may be physically close (hug, cuddle, kiss without having sex, take a shower together, give a relaxing and essential massage), or be emotionally close (share feelings, listen to one another, be empathic and understanding). These non-erotic affections have a significant relaxing effect, reducing stress, recharging our optimism and energy, which are crucial in times of coronavirus.

(2) The Sexual-Erotic Date - a time devoted to getting sexually aroused with or without orgasm. You can have intercourse (sexual activity which includes penile-vaginal visit), or outercourse (sexual activity without a penile-vaginal interaction, using manual or oral stimulation, mutual masturbation etc.). It is important to emphasize that reaching sexual arousal as well as orgasm increases feelings of love while decreasing stress and misery.

Since these two sessions are contributing to our well-being, you may overcome desire discrepancies by choosing to plan a personalized menu. For example, the person with high-level desire may ask the other one to help him/her get sexually aroused, while the low-level person might ask for a relaxing massage. It can be scheduled in different sessions, each dedicated to another partner. You’ll probably be happier and more relaxed. Don’t forget the “personal time” and the “couple time” mentioned in the 1st part of this series. If you still need a professional therapy, online sex therapists can be hired to help you approach your problem.

Stayed tuned for Part III of this blog post.

Gila Bronner, MPH, MSW has spoken at the past four World Parkinson Congresses and helped as a program committee member for the fourth World Parkinson Congress in Portland, OR, USA and at WPC in Kyoto, Japan. She is a senior sex therapist, the founder and the former director of the Sex Therapy Services, a researcher and a sex therapist at the Institute of Movement Disorders, at Sheba Medical Center in Israel.

Ideas and opinions expressed in this post reflect that of the authors solely. They do not reflect the opinions or positions of the World Parkinson Coalition®